Welcome to P.O.R.N.!!!

Why, hello!!! It’s SOOOOOO nice to meet you! My name’s Emily, and I just know we’re going to be the best of friends!!! I’ll be like “Here’s a new post for you!” and you’ll be like “OMG that was so wonderful to read, I really enjoyed that!” and I’ll be like, “OMG REALLY?!?! Lemme write you ANOTHER ONE!!!” And before you know it, you’ll be addicted, and I’ll be super rich and famous. Like a drug dealer, only BETTER. Cuz how many drug dealers do YOU know that get to brag about what they do to the world at large? I only know one, but he got caught. By the po-pos. That means he’s in jail now. And do you know what they eat in jail? Meat that was delivered as liquid. Ew. Noooo thanks. I choose blogger. And therefore, I win. And you do too. Because, since I chose to be a blogger, you totes don’t have to lose your hair and teeth to crack.

We win so much.