Dear Grandma

Recently I went to the zoo with my friends. It would have
been super-duper-fun if it hadn’t have been super-duper awkward. In order to tell you all about it and still keep things PG, I decided to write about the experience from the perspective of Jake, an eight year old who just visited the zoo with his dad. Enjoy!

Dear grandma,

Today Daddy took me to the zoo! We had a lot of fun. He says to tell you he won’t be taking me there during “Matey’s Season” anymore, but I think maybe he’s very tired, because we sure didn’t see any pirates there.

We did see some funny looking elephants though. One of them had five legs! But elephants are very nice. Instead of making fun of the five-legged one for being different, one of the mommy elephants gave him a hug! When I told this to daddy, a group of teenagers started laughing really hard. Teenagers are not as nice as elephants.

After the elephants, we went to the dolphin show. But it was not very fun. There was a baby dolphin in the tank and he didn’t like to be splashed, so the other dolphins were not allowed to do any big tricks.

Then we got a snack and watched the lemurs do yoga and give each other massages, and after that we went to see the giraffes! There were four mommies and only one daddy giraffe. It kind of reminded me of my friend Danny who has two mommies, only it was a lot more mommies and a daddy. That baby giraffe must have a lot of grandmas and grandpas living in Florida. If you see them at the zoo down there tell them he is doing very well.

The gazelle also had a lot of mommies and just one daddy. One of the mommies had a stinky bottom, though, because that daddy gazelle followed her around smelling it the whole time we were there.

Last we went to see the dessert animals! They were in a big round house that was very hot. At the end, I saw my favorite animals, turtles! They were trying to play leap frog, but the daddy turtle couldn’t get over the mommy turtle. He kept jumping up and down but he couldn’t get over her. I started to cheer him on, and daddy was very upset. I asked him why I couldn’t cheer them on, and he said it wasn’t appropriate. I asked him why it wasn’t appropriate, but then he pointed to a very pretty bird and so I went to look at that and forgot to ask him about why it wasn’t appropriate. I think I’ll ask mommy tonight though.

Also, I think when you and grandpa come for Christmas this year I would very much like a five-legged elephant.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO,

Jake