Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Arturo Gets Abducted

This is based off of an excuse that my friend, Arturo Garcia, gave me for why he wasn’t at a party. I asked him if I could run with it, and because he is awesome, he said yes.
__________________________________________________________________






It was Saturday night and Arturo was getting ready for a party. After he brushed his teeth, combed his hair, and put on his dancing shoes, he was looking mighty spiffy.





Then Arturo got in his car and drove to the party. While he drove, he listened to some mariachi.





BUT THEN! a bright light shone down all around him!





Right above him was a spaceship! It opened its hatch and sucked Arturo and his car right in.





The aliens told Arturo to get out of his car with his pants down. Then they forced him to have sexual intercourse with their prettiest female alien.





They told him to get back into his car, and they dropped it back on Earth.





Two weeks later, Arturo received a message from the aliens.





He hired a lawn-circle translator to find out what the message said.


“Congratulations! In 60 years, the female alien will give birth to the Universe’s first absolutely, positively, and completely legitimate alien.”




Welcome to P.O.R.N.!!!

Why, hello!!! It’s SOOOOOO nice to meet you! My name’s Emily, and I just know we’re going to be the best of friends!!! I’ll be like “Here’s a new post for you!” and you’ll be like “OMG that was so wonderful to read, I really enjoyed that!” and I’ll be like, “OMG REALLY?!?! Lemme write you ANOTHER ONE!!!” And before you know it, you’ll be addicted, and I’ll be super rich and famous. Like a drug dealer, only BETTER. Cuz how many drug dealers do YOU know that get to brag about what they do to the world at large? I only know one, but he got caught. By the po-pos. That means he’s in jail now. And do you know what they eat in jail? Meat that was delivered as liquid. Ew. Noooo thanks. I choose blogger. And therefore, I win. And you do too. Because, since I chose to be a blogger, you totes don’t have to lose your hair and teeth to crack.

We win so much.