Bertie

Bertie’s my spider. She lives in my bathroom. My mother highly disapproves of our friendship.

Okay, I don’t really know if she is a she, but her personality is very feminine. Plus, I don’t really know how to check that kind of thing on a spider.

And she kind of scares me.

But she has a female name, so therefore she is a she.

THE POINT IS


Bertie is missing!

I specifically told her to stay in my bathroom, as my mother so generously allowed her to live as long as she remained there. But I haven’t seen her for three days!

The way I see it, there are three suspects.

1) My mother

She loves me dearly, and she loves allowing me to express myself at all costs. But perhaps asking her to allow me to befriend her mortal enemy was pushing it too far.

2) Figgie

Two nights ago, I looked down the hallway and saw this: 

Right outside of Bertie’s favorite bathroom wall!


Harmless though it may have been, as she often chases flashes of light, Figgie is now a prime suspect.

3) The Green Goblin

I mean, he tried to kill Spiderman. And Bertie doesn’t have crazy anthropomorphic skills with which to defend herself, poor little thing.

SO IF YOU SEE THIS SPIDER

Please call me immediately.

All you have to do is yell my name. My spidey senses will tingle.